I was doing the best I could
I’ve made some progress on my mental health, but I sometimes feel ashamed of how much it took to motivate me.
I recently listened to the Blocks podcast (link below) with comedian Neal Brennan and his guest, Tom Papa (also a comedian). The podcast is based on his Netflix special “Blocks.” During the episodes, Neal and his guests discuss their hang-ups - what he calls “blocks.” My interpretation is that “blocks” are things that make someone feel isolated, bad about themselves, unworthy, etc. I think this is similar to Brene Brown’s “shame triggers.”
Neal Brennan and Tom Papa talk about how much personal change is possible, particularly in the context of therapy. To paraphrase Neal, he’s known a few people who have changed a small %, but they almost died and they have to go a meeting every day to make it stick.
I agree…1000%. I’m convinced that if I hadn’t had a big medical event, my chances of significant change were low. I think this is what Richard Rohr means when he talks about “necessary suffering” in his book Falling Upward (see podcast link below). Also, it takes a LOT for me to maintain and resist old patterns. Learning and change are hard, but when I have to unlearn stuff first and deal with whatever is going on in my life, it can be overwhelming.
In this process, I catch myself thinking in a binary or all-or-nothing way. I tell myself I should commit to this effort 100%, or not do it at all (i.e. perfectionism). Then, I procrastinate making changes until I feel like I can do it the “right” way…which is usually never (see link below). When I catch myself doing this, I try to ask:
“If I’m not hard core about it, can I still make small meaningful changes?”
“If I don’t change all at once, can I still make slow progress toward my goal over time?”
The answer is, of course, “yes”. Life is hard. Change is harder. I want to learn my limits and take breaks when I need to. Then I can pick it up again if I’m able to recharge. Also, I try to be kind to my former self. I was doing the best I could at the time. I was trying to survive.
Links:
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan | Tom Papa (1hr 15 minute podcast episode)
Unlocking Us - Brene with Father Richard Rohr on Breathing Under Water, Falling Upward, and Unlearning Certainty (41 minute podcast episode)
Ten Percent Happier podcast - Adam Grant on Perfectionism and Procrastination (1 hr 17 min episode)
The Midlife Unraveling - an article by Brene Brown
Kristin Neff’s self-compassion breaks (~5-20 minute guided practices)
The Daily Calm meditation for self-forgiveness (11 minute Youtube video)
Some other comedians who talk about mental health (there are LOTS):
Maria Bamford - guest appearances on You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes and Blocks w/ Neal Brennan (~1 hr 30-43 minute podcast episodes)
Aparna Nancherla - she talks about her new book, Unreliable Narrator: Me, Myself, and Imposter Syndrome on the Ten Percent Happier with Dan Harris (~1 hr 5 minute podcast episode)
